Setting Boundaries with Parents

You may find the occasional parent who lacks limits. Ok, maybe there are a lot of them out there. Some examples are:

* Dependent - You get several "urgent" calls or voice mails a week asking you to stop by, between appointments. Or to give phone advice about an immediate situation. It's as though they believe that their child is your only client. Not as bad as "What About Bob?" but close. That's why my outgoing voice mail message says, "If this is an emergency, please call 911."

* Passive-aggressive -  An example is parent who won't talk to teachers, themselves, but ask or hint that they would like you to discuss an academic issue with the client's teacher. Just because you may conduct therapy at school, and at home, does not mean that you are required to play messenger. This is a time to insist that the parents and teachers communicate directly with one another. I've seen teachers try to do this, too, by the way.

* Long-winded - These parents are probably lonely and starved for adult conversation. Some of them just want you to be their own personal therapist, as well. This is a time to refer out, whether it be for a parents group or for an appropriate therapist.

Although these situations can seem difficult, they are excellent opportunities to process and model boundary-setting for parent training purposes. You do have "parent training" on most of your treatment plans, right?

There have been times that I don't immediately answer a call from one of these "boundary-less" parents (I might be with another client or getting ready for work). I do feel a twinge of guilt, when that happens. But I tell myself that I will empower, not enable. Amazingly enough, when I do call the parents back, the situation has usually been handled